Very long post today cause I've had a very intense day to tell the complete truth.
Brief overview of the main points!
- Soup kitchen
- Banned for life form McDonalds (by association
- Rain
- SARAH THE SAVIOUR AND FIRST THREE DRAGS OF A ZOOT
- Rain (new lease of life)
- Matt: the best person I've met so far and definitely one who put shit into perspective
So what I shall do from now on, is bullet point post like this with titles, decided it makes for an easier read!
SOUP KITCHEN
So after I uploaded Day 2 I stayed in the library for a bit, by this point it's 7pm! So I decided to change the positioning/layering of my clothes putting my hoody under my jumper, changing my socks to white ones, revealing my dungarees again and all that jazz. Minor part really in comparison to what's to follow! So anyway don't know how, mustn't be that relevant but i ended up sat on the stairs of the Royal Exchange Theatre next to TGIs entrance, having just fully charged both my phone and iPod I was feeling good. But not that good but j was fine. So after changing my shoes I decided to analyse the behaviour of passers by! I noticed:
A. My back hurts from this bag.
B. I haven't begged once at all at this point and still haven't begged now actually!
C. People either see you before you see them and avoid looking in your direction as they walk by. I'm guilty of this in the past.
D. Or they look at you until you look at them at which point they look away as fast as they possibly can!
E. Or if their in a group or couple, the other side of the road suddenly that instant begins to look marvellous, similarly so does their partners face. Whatever joke is made previously is suddenly 5 times funnier. So much funnier in fact they have to look, down or up or diagonally to laugh at it over dramatically!
Since as I previously stated I haven't begged once nor even insinuated I wanted anything from them I don't actually understand why they're all so avoidant. But I do. Cause I've been guilty of more than just point A.
F. I'm not yet bored of my iPod songs which is surprising since I get bored of them on a single met journey usually!
So anyway there I am sat there minding my own business and a fella. Jason. real name this as he's nothing to hide or conceal. Asked me if I was homeless, to which I replied yes, to which he replied follow me. At this point I'm unsure if he's homeless or not himself. Anyway I follow, he states were going to soup kitchen. Now I know people go to NQ soup kitchen for a boogie and a night out sometimes so I'd be LYING if I was not buzzing thinking "YAAAAAAS HIT THE BLOODY JACKPOT JAYJAYS TAKING ME FOR COCKTAILS" he wasn't. He was homeless too but he was taking me to this organisation open 7.30-9pm called "coffee for craig". All I know is what I can assume. Which is someone called Craig may have been homeless and died therefore this organisation was set up to ensure no one else did. So an organisation doing good in Craig's honour? I don't know. Anyway C4C offer food and sleeping bags (if theirs any which there wasn't) etc for homeless people. So they had about 500 each of Greggs, sausage rolls, cakes, pastries, chicken bakes the lot! Greggs give the (I assume?) volunteers the produce they can't sell as apposed to throwing them in the bin. Also there was tea, coffee and rice with chicken I think not sure only had a sausage roll and chicken bake. And friendly staff and nice atmosphere. Jason, my new mate, I was only with for a total of 8 minutes I think, so I don't know much about him other than he was respectable. He didn't mention drugs once or seem to be rattling so from what I know he was potentially clean but he may have just not got round to telling me yet, he was more a tour guide than a latch-on-ya fella. At this point I haven't had any zoots or anything even slightly mindset altering except maybe the slight tipsy feeling from the 3 beers from night one.
BANNED FROM MCDONALDS FOR LIFE.
So I went to maccies and spent £2 of my final £3 on a bus ticket Big Mac and fries. Sweet? Then I ate it all. Sweet? Then I remained sat using the wifi dealing with my 1000 notifications. Sweet? Then I wrote a Facebook status saying I was about to leave and search for homeless people to find out what they do in the rain. Sweet? So I swap shoes from my vans back to my 110s and intend to leave. Sweet? Not sweet cause another homeless man sees me and comes sits opposite me. Which to me is sweet. But he's there for about 30 seconds before the security guard (of McDonalds) approaches ordering me out the restaurant. Why? What did I do I hear you ask. Well here's the answer. LIAM FROM YESTERDAY WHO SMOKED BRANDY AND WHISKEY IN THE BOGS HAS GOT ME BANNED BY ASSOCIATION. NOT ONLY THIS BECAUSE I WAS IN THERE (A PAYING CUSTOMER WHOS NEVER ABUSED ANY OF THE FACILITIES) ALL THE HOMELESS HAVE TO GET OUT?????? Yes that's correct. The big crusty prick who's job is probably the worst thing ever to exist decides to chuck us all out. At this point I'm on my way to livid. What have I done I'm at it. You know what you done he's at it. Im calling the police he's at it. Call the police I'm at it. Out he's at it. In I'm at it. Out I'm actually out now. Shouting my mouth off on snapchat cause I've never been homeless discriminated against in my life. Baring in mind Liam I haven't seen since I lost him this morning and I only met an hour before we went McDonalds anyway. Granted when he left, I left. But not because I was in the wrong, because if anything he was my case study and at that time he was still intriguing. So yes here I am outside IN THE RAIN. Don't know why I'm capitalising IN THE RAIN like I didn't intend to anyway but it's different when it's a choice and not a command. Anyway I'm going back in McDonald's before these two weeks are up and he can deal with it! if he rings the police so mother fucking be it.
RAIN
I would be telling lies if I didn't admit I think at least 3 times a day, "go home, get in bed, no one will know!" Or even "why the fuck did you voluntarily sign up for this again?" But to extend my honestly further I'd also be lying if I didn't admit I've thought that through every shift I've ever worked, every task I've ever partook in whilst overly tired or have to be up overly early for. And it's one thing to think it and another to do it! Which I haven't! And after meeting a certain fella certainly will not do but as I'm writing this to capture my mindset pre meeting him I'm just reflecting really! Anyway, there I am, due to my snapchat rant about that McDonald's incident, people are snap chatting me left right and centre and I'm trying to reply but the intensity of this rain means I have to extend my phone deep into crevices next to places with free wifi in order to try and reply! After about 10 minutes I decide, fuck that, I'll reply tomorrow, or later, or whatever, I'm getting wet and I need to vacate this area. Then it happened. From this moment onwards things happen so perfectly coincidentally I literally had to screenshot my camera to prove it actually happened in this order.
SARAH THE SAVIOUR AND THE FIRST THREE DRAGS OF A ZOOT.
So, imagine this! 6ft odd black man, hood up, backpack the size of a Mini Cooper, layers upon layers of jumpers, jackets and coats meaning I'm appearing like either A. A gym rat or B. A fat twat. Waving from the other side of the road trying to track you down! Now imagine you're a attractive black young woman, who probably has to decline advances from men many times a day. What would you do? Pretend you never saw the figure across the road and your earphones are so loud that you couldn't hear him trying to flag you down? Block out your peripheral vision? Pick up the pace and hope he goes away? Same! As did she. To be fair it's slightly weird that I actually ran across the road to attract her attention! And no it wasn't because the zoot, I wasn't even aware she had one. But to fully grasp the situation I'll need to do a quick back story!
-- So few months ago I'm at a night at the live lounge (a venue that has since been tarnished due to the man who works there being inconsistent and not showing up to a night my friend put on and promoted which everyone was excited for. Different story.) anyway, we leave because we was in v.i.p all night and the reason we went in the first place had finished. Which was fumez has finished performing. So we're outside and this girls crying, I'm pissed, with only boys, bored by boyish antics I start talking to this girl who's upset about her own issue, but said she liked my dungarees! So we was bound to get along, anyhow she took a random picture of me with my permission said she was doing a uni project on denim or dungarees can't remember but it was to be used as primary imagery. Fast forward few weeks, my childhood friend happens to be on the same course as this girl, and Instagram DM's me a picture of me in dungarees and odd shoes and fishnets looking like a prostitute outside the rave saying my course mate has this pic in her sketch book and I said I know you and she's wondering if you'll model for her in out uni fashion show in January. So I say yes, express the strangeness, but it's about November so I'm not thinking about that fashion show yet, probably just assumed it wouldn't happen. Fast forward to January, although I'd since had both on Instagram I delete my account out of impulse one day and then Facebook messaged the girl when I remembered, randomly, she needed me now I'm ghosting so anyway she's like "yeah meant to message you its January 16th" whatever whatever. So fast forward to Jan 16th (could've been the 12th or any number really but that's irrelevant) so I arrive to do the fashion show but in typical Boston style I'm late (by about 15 mins) so I get to Salford crescent train station and the girl from the night out (Mel) and another 2 girls are waiting! One happens to be Sarah. Who is a girl I instantly recognise from both college and one year at parklife (potentially 2013) we were all at the front for like Iggy Azalea. Anyway Sarah is the other girls model! She's also one of those people who you've always thought were like cool or whatever but never had any mutual friends or a bridge to communicate. So at the fashion show anyway we all became like 'friends' so to speak in a may never see you again sort of sense but we like each other you're cool I'm cool it's cool. --
So anyway Sarah also happens to be the girl across the road who I'm trying to attract the attention of. Baring in mind it's dark and I'm wearing homeless couture. I was intending to wave from across the road and keep it moving, but she aired me so I approached her just if anything confirm I'm not a weird rapist or going to beg for money but rather instead just saying hello to the first person I've seen, who I haven't planned to meet who I recognise. So anyway she's like omg woah didn't know it was you we share in the moment and she offers me some of the zoot. Never been happier to see a zoot in my life, I'm basically basking in her glory like wow you're a star thank you, be the mother to my children. Anyway I took 3 tokes and passed it back. If you're not intending to share a zoot, and you see a semi stranger, who initially scared you, and now they're hogging your zoot its really not what you signed up for. So kept it moving, said you're going on my blog as it was the second most eventful thing to happen at that point second to maccies. Said bye, I was happy. Then...
RAIN (NEW LEASE OF LIFE)
All of a sudden, my music is louder, and it sounds 60% better! Only way I can describe it is, the experience so far was a regular packet of Maryland cookies, but now all of a sudden the regular packet has turns into a 100% EXTRA FREE! packet. So I'm just loving life over all because of the weed I'm thinking. The experience became so much more bearable. I wasn't bearing it all actually. I was enjoying it! It was sick! The rain that had been pissing me off I was literally now dancing in! On my own, in the rural city centre outskirts about 12am. I'm singing Estelle and this is where it all started really! I'll bullet point my thoughts and actions:- My brain doesn't understand what's going on it's like my first ever zoot!
- Since when I first decided to do this whole homeless thing I was high, to be honest I hadn't understood since starting it what I was thinking fully until now. Being high again kind of returned me immediately back to the mindset I was in when I wrote the initial status.
- Just felt so much better than before, I was planning how to improve my blog, and easier ways to format posts.
- I felt as though I had bare tabs opening all of which were something revolutionary.
- I was taking selfies with nice graffitied backgrounds and pictures of closed shutters just overall capturing the beauty of Manchester for the first time, just as I honestly was getting bored of looking at it.
- Inspired me to capture the beauty of homlessness, if there is any.
This really made me appreciate the mindset a homeless drug addict may adopt whilst on the streets. If a few puffs of a joint for me can heighten my experience so much creatively, or at least make me believe it is, I can only imagine how a stronger drug, like the ones seen on this blog previously could act as comfort blanket. If not a comfort blanket, maybe a form of self medication or even a distraction! I can understand, obviously I cant comprehend fully, but I can understand that actually, something's to some people are vital to cope. I used to smoke weed to make my shifts at Krispy Kreme pass quicker, usually resulting in me dropping the tongs and messing up orders, but just because it helps doesn't mean it makes it easier.
MATT!!!!!!
First of all it was his birthday yesterday! Happy birthday brother. It's once again probably best to bullet point like I usually do:
- So there I am, high and happy, been dancing, singing and acting in a way that if anyone saw, they'd assume I wasn't just high on marijuana. Creative juices flowing and I just want to draw! Then I see Matt. Drawing on the floor, I immediately parked up next to him and chatted to him for hours.
- He put his pencil down to chat and I accidentally broke it with my bag, a few minutes later, it snapped. He said he was gutted and I immediately felt guilty, so I gave him new pens, sharpies, pencils and could not apologize enough!
- He then said, don't worry not the worst thing to happen to me today. Here's ANOTHER list of things that had happened that day:
A. His pet died. I assumed dog so I enquired how it died etc. Turns out it was his pet mouse which he'd had a year. He explained how he'd tried to resuscitate it four times that day however he thinks it may have eaten something with rat poison hence why he died. I couldn't believe my ears. He claimed he used to let his mouse Marley run around and he'd always return back! After expressing my deepest condolences he simply replied "gutted. shit happens" which really hit home as I felt like by this point he was much more used to saying this than anyone should be.
B. He's been homeless for '5 years and 3 weeks' on this day. the fact he still knows the weeks makes me believe he still has hope that it wont be forever. Or that everyday is so grueling he has vivid memories of each; I'm sure this is very possible as unlike home where you can sleep to pass the hours, watch Hollyoaks or even comfort eat. loosely based on me. However on the streets, you sleep less, and with little distractions other than drugs, pets and whatever hobbies you can achieve with such limited resources, you really are accountable for every minute of everyday. So, that's over 2,628,000 minutes (the amount of minutes in 5 years!) 525,600 of these minutes he had his pet mouse for!
C. He was told by someone who he asked for change off of that he should "do the world a favor and drop dead!" he continued to reveal he was actually doing to kill himself that day! I tried to prevent this but I knew whilst I was sat with him he was safe!
D. He was told by another person, he wasn't giving him anything because he'd only spend it on spice! He was adamant that he'd to this day never taken spice and he "would never go near that shit!"
- He then said he was going to make me a gift that 'I had no choice other than to accept!' his words, I was NOT reluctant to accept the gift, although I was apprehensive to what it was going to be! he continued to create an origami bird, which could also conceal a joints worth of weed if folded differently. In addition to this it could also fold flat and he said if I looked after it would last forever in reply to my "wow! I hope it doesn't get wet!"
- If he had one wish he'd "wish to be back in a bed!" which is sad! Especially since he later revealed that he was attacked and ended up in a coma in hospital. He was attacked in his sleep by an unknown person and had all of his things stolen! When in hospital he developed a major blood clot in his leg and they told him they'd have to amputate it! He "told them to FUCK OFF" and he still has his leg to this day! If he'd of listened he'd be in a wheelchair now!
- The reason he was planning to kill himself last night was because he tried to raise enough money to get a bed and breakfast for his birthday but he didn't even raise enough to get food! He said three times "people have no idea!" each time he said it hit home a little harder! "Do they think people would do this for fun? do they think ANYONE chooses to be homeless!?"
- He preferred weed to spice he said, as he'd never touched spice! Although, he got so fed up whilst I was next to him he began to ask passers by for spice! Said he'd never tried it but he only wanted two puffs which he hoped would knock him out!
- He'd been in the same spot (outside Arndale fish market! for 3 years straight and for the past 15 days he's been soaked through! I gave him some clothes at this point when they were wet, like everything in my bag at that point he said that they'd dry and offered survival tips. 1. sleep with your shoes off, so your feet can breathe, otherwise they'll hurt. 2. double wrap all items in two carrier bags in order to keep them dry! I later went to the spar and bought 50p worth of bags and split them between us two, giving the other 50p change to Mr. Joyce from yesterday as was sat near the shop and Matts story had moved me so much I just wanted to help and put my own selfish feelings about McDonalds aside!
- His friend, took Marley Doran Crawshaw, his dead mouse in a iPhone 7 box to Middleton to bury it where she'd buried her dead rats previously! He said Marley would've loved the box! "that's right that innit, classy!"
Although the past two days have been an experience, to be completely honest, I wasn't 100 percent believing what I was doing it for, I knew I was doing a good thing however I couldn't quite see why it was good, other than being told it was brave and courageous! Until Matt all I'd really done was meet people who'd confirmed the stereotypes that people believed already and probably caused them to show disinterest and or ignore them completely! A man, on his 40th birthday, who was about to kill himself, I found drawing, who only had what he was wearing, a duvet, an empty bad containing pencils and other precious belongings, nothing like home comforts, housed people need. Made ME, a gift! On HIS birthday! Although I gifted him back he made me feel for the first time genuinely sad, however motivated to do something great! The other stuff id seen I'd already been numb to! Heroin? Seen that lying about as a kid, from my drug addict mum! Even the talk of prison, I'd heard a million times. Even some of the things Matt said I was numb to more than others, such as suicide attempts, I grew up in a house where my grandmother would pretend to overdose on pills as a reaction to me not taking towels upstairs! I was used to that. But I'd never seen someone SO desperate, I'd heard stories, seen films etc but NEVER SAT AND CHATTED WITH A MAN WITH NOTHING. ON HIS BIRTHDAY AND ALSO THE DAY HIS PET DIED. It was gut wrenching and I'm rarely compassionate!
MATT LET ME RECORD FOOTAGE OF HIM WHERE HE DESCRIBES THE TIME A WOMAN KIDNAPPED HIM, THE TIME A POLICE WOMAN SPEARED HIM DOWN FROM SCAFFOLDING DURING HIS LAST SUICIDE ATTEMPT AND ALSO HIS BIGGEST HOPES AND DREAMS, WHICH WEIRDLY AT ONE POINT WAS TO MAKE HIS OWN MAGAZINE. HE WANTED HIS MAGAZINE ON EACH PAGE TO HAVE A VOUCHER FOR THINGS SUCH AS FREE DESSERT IF YOU EAT AT ..., FREE SECOND PINT IF YOU BUY ONE BETWEEN THESE HOURS. ETC ETC. A FANTASTIC IDEA THAT WOULD BOTH BOOST BUSINESS SALES FOR WHEREEVER THE VOUCHER WAS FOR, WHILST BOOSTING HIS MAGAZINE SALES. HE. IS. TRULY. REMARKABLE.
FIND THAT FOOTAGE ON THE UPCOMING DOCUMENTARY!
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